SEASON 3

Chuck Bass : "Do this for me, the next time you forget you're Blair Waldorf, remember that I'm Chuck Bass and I love you."

I know that this might be a very late reaction from me but...

I couldn't help but rave about Hilary Duff and Tyra Banks guesting an episode of GG this season. Isn't that the coolest thing in the whole world?


GG : Looks like, Love can still springs in the most unlikely places and most unlikely moment.. and sometimes fairy tales do come true... xoxo!

Pagkatapos Nito, Hindi Mo Na Ulit Ako Pwedeng Saktan.

TODAY, will mark the end of a chapter of my life and will serve as a reminder of an execution that was bound to happen : my own

I will not cry. I will not break down just because the man I have loved with all my heart will marry someone else. Today he will promise and give himself to a woman who will never love him like I have. Today he will bind himself to a vow we both should have taken.

I was so sure we'd end up together. After the breakup, I would asked him why He wouldn't take me back. And He would casually tell me that He still love me and that He just think it will not work out for now. Not measuring the pain I felt I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I thought that it would make him happy and contented. Days passed by and I anxiously waited for him to come back but I just waited in vain. And then I came to know that He was going out with one of his officemates which I've already met once. I admit, the news hurt me. I guess that was the reason why it was easy for him to end the relationship. How could He betray me after I gave him my full trust?

But after that I still had my hopes. As he would constanly tell me after being away from each other that He still loves me. And I still foolishly love him with all my heart. I silently prayed and wished that we can mend our broken relationship. When I belive that success in a relationship is more than finding the right person, It is becoming the right person. And so I tried to be the right person. I always thought that in the end, it would still be us. I loved him. I managed to convince myself that he loved me too (what else could it be?). Little did I know that love doesn't conquer all, it only conquers the weak.

I didn't thought he'd be so stupid as to get a girl pregnant maybe barely a month after we broke up. I didn't think he'd be so stupid as to forget to use some form of contraception. After all, he told me back then that he had given people lecture on safe sex. And I didn't think he'd be so stupid as to marry the girl. But maybe I forgot that after all, he was a man. And men have been known to be stupid about these things. Their brain is located in a region other than between their ears.

But what should I do after finding out about this sad truth? Should I get mad and curse him for the rest of my life? After listening and believing about how much He still loved and missed me after the breakup, I realized that I've already wasted half of my life for all the lousy excuses of this man and his inability to love me back.

I could not believe it! At first I wanted nothing more than to run to him and beg him to wake me up from this stupid dream. I wanted him to take me some place where we didn't know anybody. No pain, no memory, no humiliation. I wanted to just forget it ever happened but since I flunked in the School for Martyrs, I couldn't, for the life of me and pretend it didn't happen. I couldn't pretend he didn't hurt me. And for some time hate was my only reason for getting up in the morning, for breathing, for living. HATE and I became good friends.

"God brings women into deep waters, not to drown them but to cleanse them", somebody once wrote. I didn't want to be cleansed. I just wanted to drown in pain and misery and utter desolation. I wanted to wallow in the dark and deep pit of despair. I know a thousand and one cliche's that say this can be a blessing and that I should be thankful. But thankful is the last thing I'm feeling right now. I've always thought that there are three kinds of women: those who break, those who mend and those who are broken themselves.

Before this hit me, I assumed that I belonged to the first or second category. Now I know I'm in the third--so hurt and broken up inside. A friend used to say, that there is nothing you can do about pain when it gives you a silly grin, except grin right back. All I could manage was a wry smile, a killer heartache and the worst feeling just thinking about the other girl who will take his name, wear his ring and bear him a child.

Perhaps I have loved him before, but now I realized how wrong I was to love a man who doesn't even care how hurting I am right now. Yes, I fell for him, when those moments of blindness were not yet realized because I thought that He loved me too. Love maybe is blind but it can be understood, only if lovers try.

I've learned now that trusting can never come too easily and that a person's sincerity can never be judged fully.

I've learned that sometimes, no matter how well you think you are doing, you would still fail despite believing that you have done your best to be happy.

For a while I could only ask God why such things happened the way they did, and why me. I was caught unguarded. My hopes and dreams came shattering in front of me. It was as if my whole life had fallen into pieces. But here I am laughing at myself because of those mistakes I made and to find that this new heartache is too strange for now. Everyone told me that setting the one we love free could give us peace of mind. But I never thought that it would be this painful.

I guess I have to be strong because being strong is the only thing that was left for me to do at this moment. Since I cried in front of him that afternoon inside my room while he was telling me that He wouldn't take me back, everyday was a promise that I wouldn't cry anymore and though I failed. But after today, I vowed to never again have tears roll down my cheeks. The pain maybe was severe but I have to remind myself ever so often - THAT MAN WAS NOT WORTHY OF MY WAILING!

They always say that Life is a Journey and yes it is! And we'll just have to pass through dark and thorney alleys to reach our happiness. I believe after this heartache... a PRINCE is waiting for me at the end of the tunnel.

Hmmm, I guess I have said too much already. I do not expect anybody to understand what I'm going through. Besides I am not writing this entry to please anyone. This is the form of expression I love to exercise.

And I know that one way or another I will go on the right path for myself. Someday and somehow I will not care to be hurt again. I know that I will find a way to raise my head again and proudly say : THAT MY NEW MAN IS MORE WONDERFUL AND WAY BEYOND WORTHY THAN YOU.

Praise God In This Storm

I can't help but share this video from my facebook home thread made by Renee Matias whom I haven't met nor in any relation with but was deeply touched because of the message behind every lyrics. It really resonated with me.

Music: I Will Praise You In The Storm by Casting Crowns

If you have a facebook account, it's a definite must hear. Im having difficulties posting the actual video but here's the link. Enjoy and reflect!

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/video/video.php?v=288382585337

I was sure by now

That You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining..

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember whenI stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry

You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The maker of heaven and earth

My ONDOY Experience

It has been a long weekend for all of us, my countrymen.. the aftermath of typhoon Ondoy has become a very tragic and overwhelming experience for most of the Filipino people and all that was left were the repercussions of the disaster we did not anticipate. My experience last Saturday was not even a bit harder than what my officemates, friends, maybe some relatives or even fellowmen has experienced.

Saturday morning when everyone were too excited to go home because it was our last day of work for that week. Outside, everyone was just waiting for their turns for a cab ride going home. The rain would turn from normal to heavy in a matter of 5 minutes. While at first we were trying not to make a big deal out of it - me, don, diane, dencio, aids and aiks.. we were just discussing about how the rain would fall heavily from the sky and the appearance of it seemed almost like a waterfall..

When they finally got their ride, I decided to leave and wait for the next bus to get me to the nearest MRT station. It was then that the rain turned into a beastly forces of nature.

I was waiting there, all wet and chilled under the shed of our good ol' building, it took about 15 minutes for the next bus to arrive when finally without further delaying my stay I jumped off the shed and took a step towards the flood .

After thanking the lady who was seating beside her little kid move over to the left side so that i can take a seat next to her, I could only thank God that I was able to survive the first obstacle of my journey going home.

After fetching all the stranded passengers along Ayala Avenue, the bus finally took off and turned left to Edsa, while rain poured harder.

I decided to take the bus going to Ortigas as i already texted a friend and asked him if I could stay over their place until the traffic situation gets better.. It took half an hour for the bus to get to Buendia station, from Buendia hindi na gumalaw yung bus, turned out, ang laki pala ng baha sa may Guadalupe - lagpas tao.. and all vehicles decided to take left turn to some narrow streets, making a short cut to an alternate route just to get passed the flood. Meanwhile our bus driver decided to go straight and move our way through the flood . To my utter shock and amazement, the flood indeed reached above 5ft high. While flooding our way out, I saw fx already floating on the other side of the highway, and half thinking "what if we'd also get swept away by the water?" Take note : the door of our bus were left open  and the stupid driver did not even thought that water could get inside our bus and drown us all to death. But thank God we made our way through the flood. People inside the bus even cheered probably thinking that our ride actually survived the adventure.

From the flood in Guadalupe to Boni - traffic turned really bad, it took me another hour.. And after all the waiting when all the people decided to get off the bus and just walk their way home, I - too decided to leave the comfort of my seat and started walking my way to Ortigas. I was even undecided at that time but after hearing the driver and his assistant discussing that they might actually arrive in Monumento around evening na, and they were even planning to buy their lunch @ Jollibee Shaw, I finally had the realization that it would take the rest of the day before the traffic resumed to normal.

And so armed with only my little green umbrella, thin red sweater to comfort me from the cold wind and high heeled shoes, I walked with the rest of the world.

It was not an easy walk Im telling you... though what made it easier are the people that I walked with, along Edsa, because despite the stormy weather, menacing winds and flash floods - they were still either smiling, even waiving their hello's to those people inside their vehicles. Some even uttered, "kaya natin toh pare, makakarating din tau sa paroroonan" and even a group of highschool students asked me if I was okay and if I can still manage through the rest of our journey.

I was halfway near Ortigas when my mind wandered through thoughts on how I can compare this extraordinary experience to the life I have right now.

The clouds may appear darker, rain might fall harder than expected, winds may come too strong as trials and problems arise but i'll just have to keep on walking.

I remember what April used to tell me :   "this pain will not kill you, it will prepare you for someone greater... its not the end of the book Pamee...,its just the flipping of a chapter... :)"

After realizing that hey, inspite and despite, life is still full of amazing experiences. Those pains, friendships and best of all ... LOVE. I've learned a lot this year, but most importantly, I learned about how it is to be hurt, and how it is to overcome the pain. I learned that it come in threes, fours, nines even elevens.. and twelves. But I have to learn how not to count. I might become too much involved with the things that brought me sad thoughts and sad endings lately, but somehow I'll just need to believe that everything in this world has it's end. And without endings, there wouldn't be beginnings.

The Paradox? I hate the pain with all my passion but still love it just the same, for it teaches me in no other way it can be taught in the world. And with this realization, I knew now, at least what happiness is all about. I don't have much but I certainly have enough to get me through. And boy, I do try hard to keep that in mind. There is no point in regretting, as being sorrowful won't bring back the past. All there is left to do is to remember every morning that when we wake up, we have today, and tomorrow to make things better.