ALMOST OVER YOU

Stories are as unique as the people who tell them. And the best stories are those in which the ending is a surprise.

But who am I? And how, I wonder, will my story end?

I was under the illusion that seeing him would make things better, but I'm not sure what else to do. And how far should a person go in the name of Love?

I ponder on these questions as I stare at the dedication note at the front page of the Twilight novel I was reading for the 'nth time. Inside my room, above me, the stars are specks of silver paint on a charcoal canvas. I would think that I should be inspired by the realization that I'm not only looking at the stars but staring into my life as well.

Lately, HAPPINESS seemed distant and unattainable as getting a roundtrip ticket to Kona or perhaps Palm Springs. There had been a long period of time during which I remembered being happy. But things change. People change. Because "change" was one of the inevitable laws of nature, exacting it's toll on people's lives. Mistakes are made. Feelings taken for granted. And all that was left were repercussions that made something as simple as rising from bed, seem almost laborous.

I never doubted my feelings for him despite setbacks and misunderstanding. Although I should mention that I usually the first one to initiate the breakup and it pains me to realize this now about myself. But why did I mention this? Because I want to underscore the fact that looking back, I believe that I've done one right thing... It has been to love him with all my heart.

I never once regretted the fact that I had chosen him, despite friends telling me not to. I followed what my heart was telling me. That he is worth it after all. That our relationship will be worth it after all.

During those times I thought our relationship was settled. But too soon I realized I was wrong. I learned it the hard way. I learned a couple of months ago, more than anyhting that the last breakup will set our relationship in motion for all that has yet to come.

As I write this, I can only feel my eyes well up with tears. Because I know.. in my heart, that it's time to let go.

From the look He gave me, in all the instances He said his goodbyes. Three times. It's as if telling me what was I thinking.

The first time at the coffee shop when He told me to move on with my life. Second @ my room when I beg him to stay and give our relationship another chance and he bluntly told me that He doesn't love me anymore. And if it wasn't enough, last Saturday when He mentioned without any hesitation that He doesn't feel and see me as the one destined to be with Him for the rest of his life. As he spoke those words with conviction and sadness I felt the ache and loneliness in my heart grew much stronger. Indeed, in LOVE, heart would not know No end, No boundary. Once it tasted ecstacy, it couldn't be stopped.

Yet, what else is there for me to do? Is it possible that He knows how I would feel without him in my life? When I dream, I'd like to think that he does know.

I will come to believe that however hard it was, somehow I need to take every step away from Him. Even the words of love I whispered to him when we were together I hope will ring true. Until the day comes.. when.. I, too ...will finally said my last goodbye.