Is it possible.... to see a star in the middle of a stormy weather??
Last sunday night was one of those nights, when I felt like sitting by my bedroom window and simply gaze up in the sky and just stared at the brilliant stars searching some answers for all the nagging questions in my head that stays with me althroughout the week. I began wondering, how it feels like to continue with life despite of almost everything I'm going through... I don't usually believe in such things, but I closed my eyes anyway and hoped for the best ...
" Starlight , star bright , the first star I see tonight . I wish I may , I wish I might. Have the wish I wish tonight "
Because there were no stars visible to my wary eyes , I just sighed and combed my hair with my hand, hugged my knees tighter and waited...
I waited for something to come to me... thoughts, realizations, a miracle perhaps?? Wisdom that God might use to heal the wounds that is inflicted in my heart... but there was nothing.
This doesn't surprise me... And when I heard the thunder rumbling , i would usually draw far from my window as if to hide with lightning that strikes the empty sky. But when the next brilliant flash illuminates my room - I found myself filled with longing... though I'm at loss for words to tell you what it is .... I figured you've guessed it's about my life and the healing I am trying hard enough to go through.
Looking back I suppose I began to learn to question, not only my own motives but other people's as well. After what happened , after all the heartaches and disappointment ... I realized It is not that easy to forgive, much less to forget something that has caused you so much pain and tears. The wound inflicted in the heart is harder to heal than the wound inflicted physically. Uttering the words "I FORGAVE YOU" is just as hard as uttering the words "I AM SORRY" ...Our parish priest, Father Lucas once told me : "Forgiving to many may seem to be the hardest thing to do, but asking for an apology and forgiving are both signs of humility. Both are manifestations of Love inspired by God"
And the whole idea of love plus forgiveness is the process I am going through right now.
I believe, I have to learn trusting and loving myself more in this instant and find strength from within ... and that each of this moment could either be a sweet memory of a harsh reality.
Somehow , as days passed by , things just keeps on working out for me. No matter how tiring, confusing or frustrating things may seem - they just keeps on working out. Of course, sometimes I'm learning to be as patient as I could ever get and taught myself to wait for results... And there were times when the results are not what I wanted or what I have expected.. but soon, I believe things will work out for the best.
Other times I'd ask myself, why such things happened the way they did and wonder if I deserved it...
And the answers came to me through people who suddenly appeared without my exerting any effort to find them... Basically, they all say the same things : God sends answers whenever we need it . More often than not, we barely recognize it for what it is. And most often too, the answers are already there with us even before we've asked for it.
Now... is it possible to see a star in the middle of a stormy weather???
I bet so...
... we just need to learn and believe that all answers are already around us
.... waiting to be discovered.
No comments:
Post a Comment